I am almost through January and the struggle with the shift has hit this morning.  Being a “get it done” person shifting towards a more holistic, “balanced” (whatever that means) person is not without challenges.  I mean eating earlier, doing more reading, lunching with friends, playing Wii, spending time with grown up daughters, doing for others, etc., is FANTASTIC.  BUT the reality hit this morning when I realized that my to do list is incomplete, my mail pile is overflowing, my new file folders have not hit the drawer yet and well, the “new me” just doesn’t get as much done.  She is laughing more and relaxing more and connecting more but she is a bit inefficient for my comfort zone!

Of course that is the welcome mat for old habits to come back through the door. If I worked a little later, never exercised again, only relaxed one night a week, ate 2 hours later every night, slept only 4-5 hours and well went back to some of those comfort zones of the past, wouldn’t I get more done?  The answer is yes… well perhaps it is just maybe.  Come to think of it my list of to do’s has ALWAYS been longer than the hours in my day and outlasted my energy level.

Perhaps the answer lies in my expectations.  Hummmmm, now there is a thought for me to ponder over the next days, weeks and months as I am shifting.  Maybe my expectations should NOT solely lie in getting everything done (define that please), or checking off lots of boxes every day, or having a spotless file box and everything in their color coded place.  Maybe the expectation should center around how I feel and how others feel around me.  And maybe my take on how I feel should not be based on the things around me but on how I feel deep down inside.  Am I feeling loved by myself and by others? Am I enjoying the company of those around me and really focusing on them? Do I really understand that my worth is not based on the number of things I get done but rather by the connections I make with those in my life as well as the peace that I experience in my day?

It is tempting to go back; it is a challenge to live with some things feeling a bit chaotic; but in shifting my paradigm in how I live I also need to shift my expectation of why I live.  Another layer to peel back. How about you?  Change is not easy.  What is your experience and lessons learned?

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