Paradigm Shift Nudge (PUSH)

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Sometimes no matter how much you try to shift you need a nudge or a push to really get the shifting going.  I have shifted in many regards so far this year but another biggie is happening as well.

I have had a great contract with a great company for about 3 years now.  Yep, that is a long contract.  It is sometimes fulltime, sometimes part, but it has been steady and that has been great.  It has however kept me from growing my other business perhaps as quickly as I would like, but it has been a real blessing in so many regards.

There have been whisperings of budget constraints/challenges, but yesterday I got the word..”unfortunately we have to seriously cut back your hours; we are over budget.” I still have a couple things to finish up and there will be some lingering of a few hours here and there but for the immediate future it will be almost non existent; particularly after October.  Sure it could change and there are some working towards changing this but I am not and cannot count on that.

So, besides moving this month out of state (our date for complete transition is Oct.1), I now find myself being able to focus on other things, other dreams, other avenues.  Although I am a bit scared and thrown, I am also very excited!  So today is mine. 🙂 and I have been taking advantage!  Catching up on personal things, focusing on how I can gain other clients for my business and also looking at the great opportunity I now have of not only moving but I could totally shift my focus on my other business should I choose.  I suspect the latter will be the path.

So yesterday some doors began to gently close (not lock, but shut a bit); but this morning my head is spinning with hope and possibilities. When I put out to the universe I wanted this to be a year of the paradigm shift, I had no idea what it would hold.  I still don’t..several months still ahead and energy is in full force. Exciting times!

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Back “home” today

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After a couple of weeks at our new home and experiencing so much peace, beauty, simplicity (even in the chaos of a move), returning back has been a shake up.  This is my first day back in the house that is for sale.  Busy city, busy street, busy house, busyness everywhere and how quickly I just revert back.  Horns blowing, cars passing, phones ringing, rush, rush, rush. Long lists today of “got to’s”, running errands and still have some to run. Not feeling in synch, not feeling single threaded, not feeling grounded–chaos has reentered…………yuck!

It is funny how a location can throw you into habits.  Sort of like when you go back home to visit and all of the sudden you are the kid you were when you were 10 and you believe it so you act like it and everyone teases you the same, treats you the same, calls out your shortcomings the same.  If you always lost things when you were a kid, you of course still do.  If you were a little clumsy as a kid (aren’t so many of us?) you of are still so klutzy.  If you weren’t the smartest kid in the household (grade card wise) you still don’t quite “get it” (even though you are a successful adult and your performance reviews “prove it!” darn it.

We are so programmed to respond. It is not just personality.  As a matter of fact, many times I respond contrary to my values and my personality in certain situations.  It is surroundings…what is going on around me influences me so much.  Sometimes more than others; sometimes not at all.  BUT today it has ALOT.  I think part of it is expectation.  I expected to miss Indiana, I expected it to be crazy here, and I resp0nded accordingly.  I think part of it is wanting to go back so my mind is full of other thoughts that keep me from being focused on what I should be focused on.  I think part of it is that this does not feel so much like home anymore.  So much “stuff” is at the new house.  It is sterile here–house is all “staged” with non descriptive things. The new house feels more like home even though I have been in this house 11 years vs. 11 weeks with the other.

They say home is where the heart is.  Maybe as I am moving my stuff to Indiana pieces of my heart are going as well.  The things I am moving are things I love, things that make me feel comfy, secure and like it is home.  That is good to note-it really is about what is inside the 4 walls rather than the 4 walls.  That means stuff but also people, memories, etc.  As I take pictures and things I cherish the memories and love are transferring as well.  I am making that home.

I need to figure out how to still feel ok here right now.  I still have a few weeks and I need to keep focused, grounded, joyful and peaceful.  Maybe I need to focus on the memories that still surround me here; the love I have experienced here and the beauty that this place too offers even in it’s staged existence.  I need to keep feeling the heart and soul of this place; it will never completely move out of here for me so I need to use it now, count on it now, turn to it now to help me through the messiness of moving and going back and forth.  I need it to help me stay grounded here too while looking forward to a new beginning as well.

 

 

 

Relationship Focused Lent

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Lots of talk on this first day of Lent, “what are you giving up?” I think for some the sacrifice of giving up something you love during Lent in order to cause you to be more introspective is good.  I think however the true meaning in Lent and in these days of reflection are to get closer to God and clearer on what it is to be in His will.  I have done many different types of things for Lent.  This year I have decided to link my Lenten journey into my other journey that I am on this year of shifting my paradigm.

The relationship aspect of this shift is one of my most challenging.  So, for Lent I have committed to reaching out to someone each day.  It cannot be on Facebook or Instant Message or in email.  It must be CONVERSATION–either a phone call or coffee or lunch or something like that.  There are so many people that I mean to call or mean to see but it seems that in my list driven world, that just gets pushed to the bottom all to often.  I have a list of people that I want to call or see during Lent and I am excited about connecting.  BUT I also know that on some days this will be a challenge.  So my “give up” for Lent will be to give up looking at “people stuff” as an interruption to my day, my task list, the current “roll” that I am on.

I am in great hopes that this will be a warm and wonderful time of connecting with folks and a time of renewed friendships and relationships.  I am also in great hope that I will continue this practice of reaching out long after Lent is over.  I am in great hopes that my heart will be changed through this journey and I will really come into synch with #3 resolution of “relationships, relationships, relationships.”

What about you?  Do you give up something for Lent? Do you do something additional in your life like volunteer or focus on something you would like to change or improve upon? I will keep you posted on my journey; can you keep me posted on yours?

Tired!

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While focusing on relationships in order to honor one of my commandments “relationships override projects and to do lists” I am realizing that this is tiresome (although very fulfilling) work!  Emotion is not so present when looking at pen and paper and crossing off things.  That is my default, it is easy and it is for the most part without emotion.  I create the list, set the tone for how to tackle it and whatever emotion is felt, is that which I have associated with it.

When being more relationship focused it is impossible to take the human emotion thing out of it.  Whether I am focusing on myself and how I am feeling and being or whether it be someone else, it takes effort to put these emotions into their rightful place and then to respect and care for them.

I have had many occasions lately where the “to do’s” were not about me or my stuff but about others.  It has been a wonderful month of giving back, interacting and doing for others.  I did however realize yesterday that I am tired.  I also realize that being tired and acknowledging that feeling is OK; as a matter of fact it is more than OK, it is necessary!  Relationships bring up all kinds of things–good, bad, challenging, comforting, etc. and this array of feelings can be taxing on oneself especially if you are trying to be deliberate in noticing the feelings, experiencing the reaction to them and learning from them.

This weekend, will be about me, my house, my husband, my stuff.  Some list stuff will be in there as I circle the wagons on some things. But I think that the practice of being aware of what is happening emotionally and relationally these past several weeks will serve me well.  I hope to take from this weekend, not just checking off some things, but also take note of how I am feeling during the process.  I hope that I can be as aware of that and of my feelings as I have tried to do for others lately.

I think I am learning… I hope you can relate!  Enjoy your day.

Enjoy the Moment

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Looking at #12 of my Current Personal Commandments, “enjoy the moment”, it can actually be thought of as “part 2” of “Don’t Wait for Perfect”. For me, they go hand in hand.  Waiting for perfect causes me to want more, to want something that I have yet to attain, to focus on what I don’t have rather than what I do have.  “Enjoying the moment” is a way that I can, even in chaos, take a breathe and assess what is working right for me in this very moment.  I have a tendency to get caught up in what needs to be done, what I am not getting done, etc.  AND actually, in almost all circumstances, I have so much cause to enjoy my very present situation and life.  Focus on now, focus on what I am doing now, not in what I will be doing in 5 minutes, 1 week, a month or in retirement is the very essence for me to learn to live in joy, gratitude and serenity.  Taking a moment to breath in the goodness and breath out the anxiousness truly helps me to enjoy what I have right in front of me that I so often overlook.  It also helps me in striving for another personal commandment “one thing at a time”– but that is another blog for another day.

What about you?   Do you live in the here and now or are you waiting for perfect to enjoy? How do you shift to enjoying the moment?

Public admission of PLAYING!

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I experienced an earth shattering, universe moving, unlike nothing else EVER this morning.  In my endeavor to shift my paradigm, I am not only trying to shift it, BUTalso not to be ashamed, embarrassed or apologetic about it.  Very much a challenge for me; after all I pride myself in all that I can do, will do, am planning to do, etc.

Two of my focuses came together today.  One, is my desire to connect more–face to face AND honestly.  Two, my desire to play more and do it without remorse.

This morning I had the great honor once again of attending a Ladies Who Launch event in Atlanta.  I say” honor” because these women are fantastic, bright and just beautiful inside and out.  They are movers and shakers and they inspire me every time I go.  BUT I do not go and connect with these ladies enough.  In my “new world” I have committed to do this more often and this morning I did. So kudos to me for making this a priority today and I benefited GREATLY from it.

During the meeting, I surprised myself when I announced to a room full of these movers and shakers and people that I greatly respect that I, have yes, bought a Wii and have been PLAYING with it every day in the last couple of weeks AND loving it! :).  What a shock to me to hear this come out of my mouth!  I was not talking about being overloaded, pulled in 1000 directions, etc., but was talking about playing.  AND you know what?  THEY CLAPPED and CHEERED!  What a great moment for me!  What a realization! No one judges me harshly for playing and for admitting it.  No one came up to me afterwards and said “oh my you aren’t working enough” or “how can you possibly do THAT”.  I am the only one that says that to me and I must stop.  I mean if these intelligent, productive, smart, successful women thought it was ok then maybe, just maybe it is. 🙂

Connecting, play and honest communication.  I am loving the shift.

Struggles and Temptations and Expections!

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I am almost through January and the struggle with the shift has hit this morning.  Being a “get it done” person shifting towards a more holistic, “balanced” (whatever that means) person is not without challenges.  I mean eating earlier, doing more reading, lunching with friends, playing Wii, spending time with grown up daughters, doing for others, etc., is FANTASTIC.  BUT the reality hit this morning when I realized that my to do list is incomplete, my mail pile is overflowing, my new file folders have not hit the drawer yet and well, the “new me” just doesn’t get as much done.  She is laughing more and relaxing more and connecting more but she is a bit inefficient for my comfort zone!

Of course that is the welcome mat for old habits to come back through the door. If I worked a little later, never exercised again, only relaxed one night a week, ate 2 hours later every night, slept only 4-5 hours and well went back to some of those comfort zones of the past, wouldn’t I get more done?  The answer is yes… well perhaps it is just maybe.  Come to think of it my list of to do’s has ALWAYS been longer than the hours in my day and outlasted my energy level.

Perhaps the answer lies in my expectations.  Hummmmm, now there is a thought for me to ponder over the next days, weeks and months as I am shifting.  Maybe my expectations should NOT solely lie in getting everything done (define that please), or checking off lots of boxes every day, or having a spotless file box and everything in their color coded place.  Maybe the expectation should center around how I feel and how others feel around me.  And maybe my take on how I feel should not be based on the things around me but on how I feel deep down inside.  Am I feeling loved by myself and by others? Am I enjoying the company of those around me and really focusing on them? Do I really understand that my worth is not based on the number of things I get done but rather by the connections I make with those in my life as well as the peace that I experience in my day?

It is tempting to go back; it is a challenge to live with some things feeling a bit chaotic; but in shifting my paradigm in how I live I also need to shift my expectation of why I live.  Another layer to peel back. How about you?  Change is not easy.  What is your experience and lessons learned?